Weight Loss Lull?
As a supporter of western medicine I started out skeptical of acupuncture. As if sticking needles in my body would help me lose weight (thank you lobster rolls), get rid of my acne (thank you bad luck), have no shoulder pain (thank you giant handbag) and make my boobs bigger (thank you genetics).
Putting my skepticism aside, I decided to try acupuncture because I was tired of working out violently without any change in my body, wasting money on ineffective facials, and taking ibuprofen excessively and probably damaging my liver in the process. Before you quickly scroll away because you have a phobia of needles, let me tell you that brushing your hair the morning after a Saturday night out hurts more than this. Way more. In fact, you don’t feel a thing.
What is acupuncture?
Acupuncture involves stimulating strategic points on the body by penetrating the upper layer of the skin with the tip of a hair-thin needle.
Stop freaking out.
The first time I got acupuncture, I asked my doctor, “When are you going to start?” only to find out I already had 5 needles in my back. This may sound archaic and torturous, but it alleviates pain and helps treat an extremely wide amount of health conditions.
Acupuncture can clear acne, help you lose weight, reduce water retention, promote fertility, manage pain, reduce stress levels, increase your mood, help you get better sleep and naturally enhance your breasts; all determined by the points the needles are inserted on your body.
Don’t roll your eyes. I know- you’re thinking “There is no way this earthy-crunchy-granola BS could make my boobs bigger, it would obviously be the most popular non-invasive cosmetic procedure in the city.” Oh, you’re not? Well that’s what I’m thinking. If this works, why isn’t it as generic as going to yoga? More important, how does this work?
By stimulating points on and surrounding the breast, your body recognizes there is a foreign object and sends blood to that area, thinking that it’s repairing skin cells. Since nothing is actually wrong, this increased blood flow increases hormone production and cell growth, resulting in larger breasts. Dope, right? Don’t go into this Kendall and expect to be Kim, but after about 4 sessions you can expect to go up one full cup size.
In the instance of losing weight, needles inserted into the ear can suppress appetite by lowering blood levels of the hormone responsible for regulating hunger, leptin. Again, don’t go into this Kim and expect to be Kendall, but I lost 3 pounds after just two sessions. Have I convinced you yet?How do I go about getting acupuncture?
First step, research. Find a doctor who not only is great at what they do, but also explains to you what each needle represents. Trust me, there is nothing worse than laying down completely still for an hour with randomly placed needles in your body and leaving without an explanation of what their purpose was. Be direct, explain what’s wrong and what you want to take away from the session.
I expressed concern about fat on my stomach, so my doctor inserted six needles to the targeted area and connected electrical stimulation to the base of each needle. This, along with a heat lamp located above my stomach was strategic in breaking down fat and ultimately led to my flat tummy (I’m not bragging, I just want everyone who has access to acupuncture to reap the same benefits).
Since starting acupuncture my blemishes have reduced dramatically, I never have to deal with puffiness from retaining water, and my neck pain is almost completely gone. There are no adverse side effects, only potential benefits - making this a no-risk, non-invasive cosmetic procedure that’s free. Yes, most health insurance plans cover 100% of the bill. You have nothing to lose. Go and thank me later.